Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Leaving on Thursday!

I feel like this is sudden news. Where the heck did all the time go?! Once I noticed I had only a month left the days just flew by. It's currently 5:30am, I'm awake, thank you stress. I have spent the last two weeks working on papers and the deadlines are approaching...like tomorrow. I had my history exam today, nothing to demanding. As I think I've said before, studying here is different because there is nothing but lecture and discussion up until the final exam, which is usually either a paper or an in-class writing assignment. So if you aren't paying attention in the lectures, you aren't really going to make it. I consider myself to be procrastinator, but somehow this system has worked well for me. I managed to stay interested and engaged in the classes to absorb the material. I think this might have been my most successful college semester in terms of actually learning the material. I'm not sure if it's because the subjects are more interesting, or maybe the professors are more engaging. We did have only two or three students in class so the learning environment became very personal as the semester went along. But seriously, when I came here, I could not confidently write a sentence in Spanish, and tonight, I just finished a seven page paper in Spanish. I couldn't tell you anything about Latin American history or politics, and now I love it so much I'm changing my major. Leaps and bounds! I was just laying in bed as I couldn't sleep and I was speaking Spanish in my head. It's going to be so strange to go home and be suddenly surrounded by English speakers. I'm going to miss living in this language.

So yeah, going home. I'm excited and I'm sad. I'm sad to leave this place that I've grown to absolutely love. I've started feeling a bit like this is actually my home. I'm excited to see my family and friends and give them all their little treasures from Argentina. I'm sad to have to actually work again. This is the first time in my college career I haven't worked full-time while going to classes full-time. I could really get used to that. It makes school so much more manageable! I envy those whose parents pay for their college education. If that's you, please, thank your parents, right now, and every day, because you are blessed. I'm excited to eat certain foods believe it or not. I miss taco bell every once in awhile. I also miss pepper. I just kind of know that once the novelty wears off, and the depression sets in, I will miss this place even more. I'm not looking forward to that culture shock everyone warned me about.

However, I have a plan. A plan to combat my depression that is sure to come upon returning to Cleveland. When I realize that working still sucks, my boyfriend still dumped me, my family still gets on my nerves, I'm still completely broke, I still drive a hunk-a-junk, I still can't seem to do my homework, and a bunch of other sobering realities. When I feel this inevitable dread, I'm going think about what I did here and I'm going to think about how my time here has changed my perspective on life. I'm going to think about how when I came here, I was completely terrified and now it's actually hard to remember what was even so scary. I'm going to remember all of the things that I have done in the past four months that I thought I couldn't do. I'm going to use that, and I'm going to make the necessary changes or choices in life that will lead me towards the goal of happiness and fulfillment. I'm going to do my best to stop letting my life tell me what I'm going to do. Easier said than done, but if can even do it a little bit, and not get stuck, then I will have reason to keep trying. I guess one of the most valuable life lessons that I can take away from this experience, is that the old cliche rings true, anything that you want to do is actually possible, if you just decide you want to do it and chip away at what it takes to get there.

But for now, I'm going to try to get some sleep before my exam tomorrow.

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